I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
