oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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