I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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