Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
