I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
