It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
