but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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