I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
