There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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