I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
