2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
