I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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