I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
