So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
