So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
