My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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