You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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