i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
