No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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