I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
