Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ugly people sure do ruin things
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
