At least make sure they are 18
Why
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize