Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
