I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
