Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
