god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
