So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
