I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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