Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
