I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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