they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
