So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
