Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
