it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize