Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I could make wine with my vomit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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