All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
