So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
