Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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