I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
