he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
