just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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