Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
