Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Watching her eat just hurts me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
