i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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