you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
