I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
