tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
