watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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