I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Drunk is a universal language darling
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