dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
