this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
