Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
