I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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