just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
