what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
