If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
