i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
