i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
