youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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