CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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