I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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