Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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