Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
