I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
