didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
