hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
