Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
