Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
