Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Randomize
