I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
