You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
