My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
