he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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