you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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