Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize