Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
