he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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