i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
