That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
