all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
