I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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