WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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