I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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