He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
