You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
